For Pet's Sake Column

Like many people, I have chomped on way too much chocolate, drunk too many daiquiris, and sobbed my heart out in a therapist’s office as a way to cope with life’s inevitable little ups and downs. Whether it was to gain some much-needed insight into a difficult relationship or to heal from the death of a loved one, the time I spent on the therapist’s couch was, well, therapeutic. Even so, my euphoria was short-lived and my bank account suffered as a result.

Eventually, I found a way to forgo the fudge, toss out the tequila, and say ta-ta to my therapist. Interested in my prescription for peace of mind? Does Dr. Phil have a Texas twang? OK, you twisted my arm, I’ll fill you in on this affordable (not to mention adorable) alternative to self-medicating and professional counseling: GET A PET.

We have all heard that petting a purring cat or walking a dog is a fantastic way to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and raise our spirits. After all, pets are non-judgmental, undemanding, eager to please, affectionate, adoring, entertaining (shall I go on?). In other words, our animal companions make us feel as though we’ve won the lottery every day.

Carol Gardener knows exactly what I’m talking about. At the age of 52, the soon-to-be-divorced Washington State resident found herself drowning in debt and depressed. Her divorce attorney gave her some advice that would change her life: “Get a therapist or get a dog.” Carol chose the latter and it wasn’t long before she was sharing her home with a four-month-old English bulldog she named Zelda. “We were both underdogs looking for a big dose of unconditional love,” Carol says.

But the story doesn’t end there: A friend suggested that Carol enter an annual Christmas card contest that a local pet store was sponsoring. With a background as a creative director in advertising, Carol figured she had a good shot at winning the top prize: forty pounds of free dog food every month for a year. So she borrowed a Santa hat from a neighbor, filled her bathtub with bubble bath and called Zelda into the room. You can imagine what happened next. Zelda soon had a beard made of bubbles and a Santa hat perched on her head (and no doubt, a quizzical look on her face). Carol snapped a photo and sent it in with the one-liner: “For Christmas I got a dog for my husband…good trade, huh?” Six weeks later, Carol learned that she had won the contest. She then sent the prize-winning image out as holiday cards to all of her friends and the overwhelming response ignited the creation of Zelda Wisdom, a line of hugely-popular greeting cards, calendars, books, jewelry, and other gift items (all thanks to a little company called Hallmark).

“At the core of Zelda Wisdom is humor and healing,” writes Carol on her Web site, www.zeldawisdom.com. “She always makes me laugh. Zelda and I are proof that you don’t have to be thin, rich, young or wrinkle-free to be successful. More importantly, you don’t have to be perfect.”

Pets, it appears, are better than psychiatrists or Prozac. But wait, I’d be crazy not to include this disclaimer before I continue: Psychiatrists and therapists are valued professionals and they help a great number of people (Tom Cruise isn’t one of them). I am in no way suggesting you discontinue therapy (unless you want to) or stop taking your anti-anxiety medication (I’m certainly not going to).

OK, I feel better now, so let me get to the point of this column: I’d like to celebrate the special bond that people have with their pets by writing my own book about our four-legged pals. The book I’m planning with be Zelda-esque in a way, as it will be filled with eye-popping photos and sage advice—all from our pooches’ and pussycats’ points of view. This is where you come in, dear readers. I’d like to know what advice your pet would give you if he or she could talk. Think of it this way: you're sitting on a therapist’s couch and you look over at the therapist, only it’s not a person, it’s your cat or dog (or other furry friend). What words of wisdom would your pet impart to you about life, love, family, health, food/dieting, death/dying, spirituality, money, global issues, the cost of gasoline, Angelina’s new twins? In other words: anything that comes to mind!

If you feel inspired to do so, please send me a funny, far-out, practical, prophetic thoughtful, touching, witty, or wise saying that your animal friend might say to you as you struggle to lose the weight, leave the relationship, change careers, get through that next round of chemo, or take up Buddhism. For example, your cat might advise you to “Reach for the stars, but keep your paws firmly planted on the ground” or your dog might come up with this zinger: “Sit. Stay. Heal.”

After you’ve finished penning your poetic prose, send it off to me and then forward my request on to your friends and family (and even your therapist!). Who knows, your—I mean your pet’s—advice might just end up in my (hopefully) soon-to-be-represented-by-a-big-New York-publisher book!

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With a nod to that famous television therapist, Frasier Crane, Karen would like to remind readers that “I’m listening” and is eager to hear what advice your pet has for you. Send your submissions to karenleestevens@cox.net.